You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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