i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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