I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
