Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
