I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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