I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
