the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
