somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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