organizing the empties. That sober.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
