she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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