Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
