is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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