i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
