Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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