Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
