Your tits are I can't wait for
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
