How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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