Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
