No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it hurts more in the daytime
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
