That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
