I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
