Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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