need another drink. this is the easiest way
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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