Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
