Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
