i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have aggressive nipples.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
