Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
