there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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