I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
