im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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