no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
