Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
