I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
