Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
