I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
