You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
birth control should be required to get into college
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
