was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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