Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
