ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
