He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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