I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
