why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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