Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
