I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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