What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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