That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
