I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
