he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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