i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
