I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
