i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
