Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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