I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
